“Every man has a lion and a lamb inside of him the trick is recognising that and being able to let them both live freely.”
No one likes to admit they are weak especially if they are strong, but the fact is everyone needs help and support at some point. This isn’t about the strong admitting their weaknesses but about the weak saying I am strong, we all have weaknesses and that is the reality, to think otherwise is a fantasy.
We unfortunately are told that we live in an individualistic society in which we are taught we must do everything for ourselves, however the reality is we can do hardly anything for ourselves, all we can do is earn the money to afford to buy in the help we need – electricians, plumbers, mechanics, builders, farmers, pilots, train drivers, all of these are a sign of just how we are not individuals, we are merely pretending to be individuals in a collectivist society.
There is one thing we like to keep individual in society, mostly because we can’t buy it in, that is emotional support, yet the funny thing is it’s the thing we probably need the most help with. We need people we can trust in order to share our deepest fears and concerns, our weaknesses on display for that listening ear, but we don’t, we just carry the burden ourselves.
What’s wrong with carrying the burden ourselves?
Think of it like this, a child or old lady might try to pick up and carry a small weight but quickly realise they are unable and drop it instantly causing themselves no harm, they require assistance and they seek it. Now assume that a body builder has a great weight to lift and carry, they chances are he wont acknowledge his own level of strength aka weakness and will still attempt to carry the load, if the load is too great for him the chances are that he will do himself an injury. It is much like this with emotional loads as well.
A woman will often know here emotional load limits and by female nature will share here emotional load as she goes never really carrying more than she can manage, however men are very different as male pride not only tries to carry his load but often others loads too, the problem isn’t if a person can carry a load the problem is when the load gets to great. For a while the strain begins to take, then more load is added the assumption is that you can still manage but at some point if you are not offloading you will break and hurt something.
We don’t have a society where we feel confident paying for a load barer or trust people enough to share, and the chances are a man will try his best to carry his own load, however this needs to change.
Hint for women:
If you are a mother or girlfriend, a wife or a daughter and the man in your life hasn’t opened up about anything to you recently, don’t assume that he is relaxed, cool and gliding through life, the chances are he is just carrying his load. A man needs to know that if he shares his worries with you that you will not begin worrying about the same thing or he will not burden you with it and it will only amplify the situation if he then has to feed off of your worry. A man needs to know that if he shares his innermost weakness with you that you wont look down on him or use it against him at a latter date in an argument or disagreement. If he can be assured of these things then he might lighten his load by speaking openly with you, after all he needs it but it’s your insurance policy too.
“A problem shared is a problem halved” so they say, and this is very true yet all too often discouraged for us men.
Encourage crying even at sad movies, let a man know that you think more of him for seeing him cry than not, encourage your male children to cry, if not out in public whereby he might get bullied at least at home where he is safe. I heard the quote once ” A man who doesn’t cry is hitting something.” perhaps he isn’t hitting a person yet, perhaps he isn’t hitting anything, but perhaps he is hitting breaking point.
Every man thinks that he is an Island but the thing with an Island is that it can sink and be drowned.
“Every man is carrying his own load, what a load of sh&t.” yes it is a load of sh&t and no one wants to carry sh&t around.