With so much talk of secret societies today I thought I’d create one of my own.
Firstly I needed a name that would best describe my secret society and I needed something manly and sinister or fluffy and mocking so I narrowed it down to two names: Secrets R Us Club or Fluffy Feather Fancy Club.
Now I needed to create a few secrets to shroud us in myths and mystery:
● Instead of a secret handshake we would have a secret elbow greeting because it’s less obvious.
● Instead of special hats we will wear Disney socks, again less obvious.
● We will not wear suits and meet in a formal surrounding we shall all wear brown denim and acrylic patterned jumpers and meet at indoor Croquet halls. This will not only be far more undercover but also scare walk in visitors away on site.
● We will use sounds rather than symbols which will be a form of language of its own such as a underarm fart noise shall call a start to a meeting and a belch will conclude it.
● We shall hold our meetings on the day of all Major sporting match ups and use a giant monitor to oversee the event, a onsite bar will be provided to ensure no suspicion is aroused as to our meeting agenda.
● We shall have fatty foods on site prepared by a fast food chef that must be a member to ensure that we are full of secret burgers and secret bacon rolls and the like.
● We shall have Ben and Jerry’s style evenings where we must bring our own secret recipes.
●There will be wifi and internet use so that the secret purchase of all new gadgets, tools and sporting equipment can be purchased without anyone (aka the wife) knowing the cost.
●There will be access to secret documentation, that no one should ever have access to, where only secret quick peeps are permitted, we shall call these “instruction booklets.”
● We shall have a secret anthem we will sing at each meeting “Here we go, here we go, here we go.”
All toilet seats will remain up unless a secret load has been deposited but remains unable to hide from the eyes of others, whereby a secret cloaking device will be used called “a lid”
●The use of a secret language is only permitted when speaking to non lodge members in frustration, we shall call this “foul language.”
●A secret scratch shall be used to determine our lodge membership and that scratch will be permitted at anytime.
●All of our sacred rituals shall remain secret in order to avoid interference by the authorities (aka the wife)
The only thing now is to secretly advertise for members. Hmmmm?