Is a kiss more intimate than sex?


It’s Valentines day so I had two choices for today’s blog:

  • Blog about the origins of Valentines day (which I find quite interesting)
  • Blog about is a kiss more intimate than sex?

I want to add a quick note about Valentines day’s origins for interest purposes.  Apparently Valentines day was originally a pagan festival celebrating the god of virility.  Instead of a cute cupid shooting arrows of love at people it was in fact represented by a man’s sexual organ firing his seed sporadically around to symbolise virility, this was changed by the introduction of Christianity and speedily changed for obvious reasons.

Now that I have that out of the way I want to touch on the topic at hand.  I have heard it spoken of a number of times especially by women that a kiss is somehow more intimate than sex.  This was corroborated by Joey in Friends in response to Chandler kissing his girlfriend.

I’m not sure if I agree completely and think it’s a lot more complex than at first look.

We must look at it both from a male and female perspective as well as a logical one.  In short ,a man might view a kiss as the first stage to the final goal, sex.  While a woman perhaps bases how a man feels about you by the way he kisses you.

So we already see a difference to the two views.  What about the logical view?  Logic says that each situation is different and intent should be the key.

If you give a man the choice between a great kiss and great sex I think the answers will be pretty standard “great sex”  ask women the same question and I think the response will be quite different or at least quite surprising.  Then there is the difference between sex an making love, a kiss while making love could be more passionate and tender than a kiss while having sex.  In the old movie classic ‘Pretty Woman’ one of here rules was that she could have sex with anyone in any way but could not kiss the client.  While a man might be able to reconcile his wife kissing another man but not her sleeping with another man.

Kissing, from a hygiene view is a risky business with the exchange of germs and oral diseases being freely passed around however the more dangerous life threatening illnesses are more closely related with sexual relationships.  This weighs the logic argument heavily towards sex being more intimate.

Then we must look at where was the kiss and the meaning:  If your auntie kisses you and plants one on the lips, for a man this feels a bit invasive and plain old yucky, however she clearly had no problem kissing you on the lips in a non sexual way.  If a man kisses a relative on the forehead then this is deemed gentle and loving.  If a man kisses a work colleague on the forehead this could be deemed as sexual harassment.  If a wife sees her husband kissing another woman on the forehead she might assume this infidelity on his part yet if the other woman is his relative then nothing is presumed from it at all.

A kiss can tell so much not only about a person but also about there intentions towards you in other cases a kiss could be misleading e.g. Judas betrayed Jesus with a kiss and in much of Europe same sex friends will often kiss each other on the cheeks as greeting using these cultures again as an example in those cultures a man kissing another woman on here cheeks would not be considered infidelity but perhaps it would in England.

Sex on the other hand is only ever related to sharing something much more intimate than a kiss, for example logic says sex is more intimate than a kiss because you can do one in public that you cant the other; you can’t greet someone with sex in any culture around the world yet most cultures you can greet people with a kiss; you aren’t meant to have sex with a close relative in any culture across the world however you can kiss a close relative, in fact it’s encouraged.  So logics argument swings again towards sex being more intimate.

We can again argue that falling out with someone is a huge tell tale piece of evidence.  After an argument a man and woman will usually kiss and make up but in many cases sex is still not an option until the woman stops hurting emotionally.  So her sexual intimacy is closely connected to her heart or emotions.

A man can often kiss anyone they fancy but so too can they sleep with anyone they fancy, where as a woman will find their emotions will be entangled with the act of sex but they will kiss on a first date perhaps not having sex on a first date.

There is a change being encouraged by modern society which encourages woman to detach their emotions from the pursuit of pleasure sexually.  This is bringing through a new breed of woman especially in America that will not only sleep with any guy they fancy but also on a first date and most sexual activity is encouraged in the pursuit of pleasure.

So to conclude:  Sex by logic is more intimate than kissing and this agrees with the views of most men.  Women may disagree but there’s nothing new there 😉

google search:
noun: intimacy
  1. 1.
    close familiarity or friendship.
    “the intimacy between a husband and wife”
    synonyms: closeness, togethernessaffinityrapportattachmentfamiliarity,confidentiality, close association, close relationship, close attachment,close friendship, friendlinesscomradeshipcompanionshipamity,affection, mutual affection, warmth, warm feelings, understanding,fellow feeling; More

    • a cosy and private or relaxed atmosphere.
      “the room had a peaceful sense of intimacy about it”
    • euphemistic
      sexual intercourse.
      synonyms: sexual relationssexual intercoursesexintercourselovemaking, act of love, carnal knowledge, sexual congress, congress; More

    • an intimate remark.
      plural noun: intimacies
      “here she was sitting swapping intimacies with a stranger”
    • closeness of observation or knowledge of a subject.
      “he acquired an intimacy with Swahili literature”

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